As a spiritual/theta healer I see couples who have difficulty getting understood by each other.  When they first sit down in my office they attempt to discuss their challenges and many times reveal their lack of competency with communication.  He says, “Are you open to hearing what bothers me.” She says, “Not really, but go ahead”.  He tells her even though she is not really open to receiving him or his message.  She does not receive him.  She withdraws, or disappears or becomes aggressive.  They do not yet understand their is a distinction between talking and communicating. 

Talking is about getting what you need to say out. When people talk they have not felt heard.  Talking is the result of built up energy due to unexpressed communication.  People talk at each other to get present, but in the end cause damage, since when they talk they seldom are in the moment, but are in the past attempting to address something without really saying so.  In the example above he is talking.

Communication on the other hand takes into consideration the listener and the intention that the message be received. If he or she in the example above understood this.  They would stop when she says she is not really open and discuss what it would take for her to be open to him while he delivers what he needs to say.

Next time you find yourself annoyed and you are speaking to another ask yourself if you are you talking or communicating. Are you really interested in the other person or are you solely interested in getting what is inside of you out?

Colby Wilk, Heal through Spirit, Spiritual and Theta Healer, Seattle WA

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