I have been asking my Divine with assistance with receiving. I am really good at giving. most of my ideas of myself is built on how good I give: I am in a career, helping others. My nature is I am helpful…I like to help. But, getting, not so good at that. How do I open to receive gifts of prosperity?
Ever since I was a boy, I would save caterpillars from being sprayed by pesticides and help settle fights in elementary school. Being a good helper is what I came into this incarnation with: a keen knowing what other people need, require, desire.
A friend offered to do something for me. My immediate reaction, was ” No, I need to pay you.” He insisted, saying he would be glad to do it for free. I became uncomfortable, not with him, but with me. What he was offering was no small matter. Although I have been asking, for help with what he was offering, my knee jerk reaction to push back came kicking to the surface. Fears of being indebted to this person echoed through my mind. Would I owe him? The potential interaction started to sound messy in my head. I was Ok with and exchange.. money for services. but giving, complete giving! Red alert!
How do I open to receive gifts of prosperity?
I thought, maybe my reaction was because in the past when someone offered something for free, it came with strings. I would need to do something for them, that I would normally not desire to do. But that seemed to “pat”, to easy, it did resonate with me.
I sat with it more. I was afraid to open, wider to Love. I had asked the Divine for help, and the Divine was delivering. I was uncomfortable with size of the gift. I could receive a small trinket, something I could looks at lovingly, put on my bedside table and look at fondly. But, some something, that would really help me..To weird!
I had a limit on what the Divine could gift me and did not even know it. The Divine is always answering, but are you willing to receive? Are you open to being uncomfortable with what you can be given?
This time, I caught myself, and received the gift and than sat inside my feelings of unworthyness and with appreciation for the gift and the love of my friend. I noticed deep sadness was hiding below the surface of my persona: I could handle any difficulty.. I had my “shit together” . To receive a large gift..prosperity, could change my life. I was brought my back to what I thought was the truth when i was 6 years old: “I am retarded. I will never be able to take care of myself.” I was afraid a large gift now many years after being declassified as retarded that my childhood assumption that I could not take care of myself had validity.
I have learned we are wired to want what will challenge our paradigm. But wanting is the easy part, allowing that which we want to reach us requires us to go within and redesign our internal architecture. When something approaches us that threatens how life has always been we find ourselves mistrustful and we tend to push back. Take a deep breath and feel into what is going on with you when what you want finally shows up and you may notice you are really scared. Breath.
Colby Wilk, Spiritual Theta, Embodiment, Energy Healer, Seattle, WA